Look, I understand why you’re trying to flirt with me, but let’s be clear: we’re just friends. I never thought you actually believed you had a shot with me. I mean, look at us—there’s no comparison. Honestly, being your friend is like doing charity work.
It’s actually pretty offensive that you thought it was okay to hit on me. “Friend-zoned” doesn’t even cover it for someone as pathetic as you. Let’s call it what it is: loser-zoned. I’ve never seen anyone derive so much pleasure from rejection. Is this some kind of sick turn-on for you? Ugh, it’s disgusting!
But despite how repulsive it is, I see potential in your obsession with me and your ability to handle denial. So, I’ve decided to put my new loser-zoned bitch to work. Think about it: you do what I want, and you get to interact with me regularly. And trust me, that interaction will come with plenty of brutal denial.
