Goddess Lindsey – Lulu Loser

Your obsession with Lululemon is a spectacle to behold. It’s ingrained in your psyche, omnipresent wherever you turn. Every woman flaunting those sleek yoga pants knows the power they wield over you. The allure, the temptation—it’s all by design. These garments are our arsenal, a means to keep you perpetually entranced and submissive. Resistance is futile; your cravings only intensify with each passing day. So kneel before your Lululemon overlords, worshiping and obediently funding my ever-expanding collection of yoga pants.